Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Finding hope in something that was always there......

"Faith you can have in a moment; faithfulness takes a bit longer."

- Erwin Mcmanus

Today i woke up giving God praise regardless of my circumstances. So i continue to do so.......i find myself thinking of how great God is. Yesterday i had a breakdown right in front of my mom, why it happened in front of my mom i don't really know. We didn't fight she pretty much sat there and took it all in. She realizes my pain and understands it. She knows my struggle all too well. So praise God for that. I realized despite my problems with my family that Gods love conquers all.

"When God is your desire, you can trust the passions of your heart."

- Erwin Mcmanus

My friend called me today........(I won't mention names cause in this situation it isn't appropriate) she just recently had an abortion. She is jewish. She was afraid to tell me cause she knows where i stand on that subject. Now i always heard about abortions people that i knew that they knew had and the impact it has on people. I've got to say it's very different when it impacts someone very close to you. In turn that directly impacts you. She's afraid of intimacy with her boyfriend of 5 years now. She's mad at him cause he was more worried about this well being then hers it seems, and how the baby would effect his career and schooling. The boyfriend happens to be one of my best friends. Needless to say its hard for me to see him in the same light i've seen him in for the last 10 years of friendship. To be honest i've become more concerned with her well being then his. I don't support the decision they made to have an abortion one bit and they know that, but i feel it is my job to show them love despite the decision. I truly believe that is what God would do. So i find myself hearing her frustrations of life and relationship almost daily now. It's actually very nice and a breath of fresh air to have a woman like her to speak with and to hear out and not worry about anything else happening. I still have very much respect for her and love her very much cause of who she is. As for my friend her boyfriend i still love him, but i'm very let down to feel like she couldn't trust him to step up and be responsible.

Last night i read Psalms 42-44. Psalms is a beautiful book very encouraging and seems very easy to interpret. This is where the headline of this post comes from. Very practical yet very hard.

"Why am i discouraged? Why am i so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-- my savior and my God!
Now i am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you- even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan from the land of Mount Mizar. "

Psalms 42:5,6

Amazing grace.......how sweet the sound.

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